Picture of the day

So, the football season has begun in earnest - Aston Villa drew against Odense in the intertoto cup. Not the most exciting of occasions, but it highlights that there is under a month until the start of the new season proper... anyway, I was delight to note that Steve Sidwell's first act of note for Villa was to score an own goal, resulting in this fabulous piece of photo journalism:

Sidwell (middle) seems to have developed a look of angry incredulity (previously thought impossible by face scientists), while Petrov (right) is trying his hardest to see if he can actually kill a man by looking at him. Meanwhile, Martin Laursen (left) clearly longs for the days of Gordon Cowans - the impression he does is uncanny.

Tee hee hee...

While watching a documentary on the Spanish Civil War (fuck me, it's crazy around my flat at this time of year, you never know what's going to happen next), this chap popped onto the screen. The name was funny enough in a juvenile kind of way, but the caption below makes it work on all levels ever created. But it's the juvenile aspect I like best...

The picture definition of 'bullied at school'.

Amazon #18: Brabantia 135x45 Raindrops Ironing Board

3 stars.

I'm afraid I have to disagree with R. Patel "Bush4ever" from Texas (otherwise known as the "backwards state") - while the price is certainly competitive, I'm unsure that this really is an ironing board.

The measurements of 135x45 certainly seem accurate on the surface, but if you look at the picture, you'll see how far the legs stick out either side - such sturdiness goes far above what you'd expect from an average ironing board, and I suspect this has more sinister uses that the manufacturers know all about - after having done some research I'm certain it involves Portugal's nuclear capabilities, David Shayler and several capybaras. Watch this space world!

ps - it actually works quite well as an ironing board too. Alas! I have no iron, so I've only used it in an imaginary capacity so far - but it didn't disappoint.

The Osmonds - gnarlier than Kyuss.

I don't need to say much about this - if you've ever visited my flat, then I've inflicted this on you. I was tipped off to it's majesty by my good friend and walking library, Chris Fowler - and I swear, this is the speed that this song was meant to be played at. I can't listen to the regular version anymore (not that I'd do so through choice anyway) - it sounds too fast and cartoonish now that this has entered my consciousness.

Enough wittering - ladies and gentlemen, this proves that the Osmonds are heavier than Kyuss, even if it's unintentional.

The Osmonds - Crazy Horses (33 RPM version - MP3)

Animal Facts #2: The Frog

It's time to get animal facted. Prepare thyselves...

• Although usually perceived to be some kind of "landfish" (Charles Darwin once described them as "the hovercraft of the animal kingdom", which showed a remarkable degree of foresight, even for him), frogs are actually what is known as an 'amffibeon'.
  
• The incredibly over-used analogy of the boiling frog goes thus: "A frog can be boiled alive if the water is heated slowly enough — it is said that if a frog is placed in boiling water, it will jump out, but if it is placed in cold water that is slowly heated, it will never jump out." This is of course, utter fucking nonsense and whoever uses it should be ashamed of themselves. If you put a frog in boiling water, IT WILL DIE. If you put a frog in cold water that you then heat to boiling point, IT WILL JUMP OUT AT SOME POINT BECAUSE IT ISN'T AS DUMB AS THE VAPID TWAT THAT'S DOING 'EXPERIMENTS' WITH THE FROG IN THE FIRST COCKING PLACE.
• Even though frog rhymes with dog, these two species are actually vastly different. For example, a frog cannot be trained to lead the blind, and dogs have an intense dislike of being contained in small glass tanks.
  
• 'Frogman!' was a shortlived Marvel comic that lasted for 5 issues in the early 1960s. Although initially promising, fans of comics were repelled by Frogman's unusual super power of being able to emit his young from his mouth, and in the final issue that decided the comics fate, through holes in his skin - a record number of complaints were received, and still arrive in the Marvel offices to this day.
  
• Frogs are evolving at a terrifying exponential rate, and it is predicted by a scientist I met in a pub that they will be able to dominate humanity by the year 2026. However, according to his philosopher friend who was also in the same pub, they are gentle souls by nature so it is unclear whether they will actually do this.

In this photograph, we can see that frogs have already evolved to the point that they resemble Peter Crouch going on a date.