Amazon #39: Fiorelli Round I Trim Handmade Sunglasses

5 stars - link

Sunglasses! What are they all about? Can anyone wear them? What are they for? Why are they for? Exactly, no-one really knows...

Originally invented to infiltrate Panda country by Tibetan guerillas in 927 AD, they've come a long way to the snazzy designer specs that are currently on the market - y'know, the kind that astronauts might wear. Woah!

Throughout European history, sunglasses fetishists have been pilloried and abused by the ignorant peasant masses. This came to a head in 1283, when the Vatican announced a mass purge of anyone suspected by the catholic church of being a speccy. Bejesus!

While with no real historical connection to protestantism per se, the sheer hatred felt by the Catholics towards sunglasses meant that Martin Luther was often seen sporting a pair, just to wind them up. For the next few centuries, sunglasses were intrinsically linked with the protestant movement - the older reader may remember some footage of a chapel on the outskirts of Portsmouth in 1920 that shows this. Really wild!

In modern times, sunglasses were introduced the British public by Bono as part of his many philanthropic enterprises he always goes on about - he in turn took the idea from watching an old Hume Cronyn film where he was seen sporting a pair of ray-bans. One love!

Anyway, these Fiorelli Round I Trim Handmade Sunglasses are pretty good as far as sunglasses go.

Amazon #38: Jigsaw of a portrait of Ryan Shawcross at the annual club photocall at Carrington... from Manchester United

5 stars - link

I was initially quite impressed with this jigsaw - I found it sturdy, solid and dependable, and a good prospect for the future - both in my house and further afield. But worryingly, I began to notice it had a tendency to lunge at other jigsaws in my collection. I first noticed this when I took it on holiday to Belgium, to get some experience and to attune myself to it's idiosyncrasies. It was a small price to pay though, as I found the jigsaw to be sturdy, solid and dependable.

I soon discovered that these tendencies were getting more and more out of control, despite his sturdy, solid and dependable nature - it took me 3 months to finish off my Francis Jeffers jigsaw after he jumped in. It went for my Adebayor jigsaw when he wasn't even on the table at the time - and when he lunged at my Aaron Ramsey jigsaw, the pieces went flying everywhere... I can't see me finishing that one for a while (I've never seen my Sol Campbell jigsaw look so furious).

Sociopathically violent tendencies aside, and considering he also has a face only a smotherer could love, I've found that the Shawcross jigsaw is sturdy, solid and dependable - I also need to add 'committed' to that list; because ultimately, despite all the shattered limbs, broken noses and unrepentant declarations; he's just not that kind of jigsaw.

Amazon #37: Cars [DVD]

2 stars - link

My three year old loved what I let him watch of this film - however, I found it deeply confusing. I mean, maybe I'm missing the point, but a whole film of talking cars? Is this really what we want to show to our children?

I have to admit, I turned it off after an hour and a half as I was worried that my son was taking it too much to heart - I wonder how much it would weigh on Pixar's 'conscience' if my son decided to make friends with the speeding cars that go past our house? Exactly. Maybe I'm being overly protective, but he'll thank me when he's older hopefully. (Also, Jeremy Clarkson's cameo eradicated any respect I previously had for the man.)

However, it gains a bonus point for what is clearly Paul Newman's role of a lifetime - hopefully it turned out OK for his character in the end.