Monday, 3 August 2009

The 6 word review #5: Knifeworld - Pissed up on Brake Fluid 7"



"Kavus? Hooray! This is fucking brilliant."




More info : http://www.myspace.com/knifeworlduk

And for further information on the Monsoon Bassoon, who I consider the best band ever, and why I'm so excited about Knifeworld:

http://www.myspace.com/themonsoonbassoon
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Monsoon_Bassoon

Saturday, 1 August 2009

Nate Myles

Probably the best news story I have ever seen.



Wednesday, 1 July 2009

Amazon #26: Verbatim 43549 DVD-R, 16x, 4.7GB, 100 Pack

4 stars - link

Amazon has requested that I write a review of this product, and I am only too happy to oblige - although I don't really have too much to say about them at the moment, as the majority of them are empty!
I will try and let you know what I think of the seven I've already used though, so I hope this will be good enough for all you amazonians out there.

1. This was a test burn DVD, that I made to test the new Verbatim DVD ares that I bought. It contained a text file of the word TESTTESTTEST. It was a succcess!

2. Number 2 was an exact copy of the first DVD mentioned above, that I seemed to have burned by mistake. Although the DVD burned successfully, due to human error I can only call this one a failure.

3. This was a picture slideshow of my wife's bus trip round the Pennines with members of her woman's club. Thankfully I didn't have to sit through the whole thing while it was being presented, eh gents?!?!?!? It burned successfully.

4. Volume 2 of the aforementioned slideshow mentioned above. Again, success!

5. Yet another DVD of the TESTTESTTEST test disc, as I wanted to be absolutely sure it was working. It succeeded!

6. This one is currently somewhere under the rear garden hedge, a few feet from where it joins onto the garage. Mr Weston's cat from a few doors down was hovering around by the bean patch, and I was anxious to scare him away before the little beast had a chance to do whatever it was it was going to do. The DVD stack was the nearest thing to hand, so I picked one off the top and hurled it at the little furry behemoth, catching it a third of the way down it's spine - needles to say, it certainly did the trick! It is still there as I am reticent as the sight of blood, but I still call it a success even if the good people at Verbatim never intended it to be used thus.

7. A kind reader sent me a video file of Ralph Bakshi's animated Lord of the Rings, so I burned it onto a DVD - it burned successfully, but the filmed leaves me just as baffled as the original film trilogy.

I hope this is of use - I will endeavour to add further reports in the comments section in future times.

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

Amazon #25: Freedom Cold Painted Semi Naked Woman Statuette

5 stars - link

Contrary to unpopular opinion, 'The Eternal Struggle' is merely my own subtitle to this piece of work of art. I fear that the sculptor (or sculptress) can only be described as a too-modest genius (or geniess) for not exhibiting this far more widely.

Nay, could it not surpass such popular works as Rodin's "The Thinker on the Toilet"? Mike and Angelo's "David"? Television's "Venus De Milo"? Yay, it could.

There are so many unanswered questions for me on studying this masterpiece for hours at a time, as I often do - for how long has she been locked in this transitionary state between clothed and declothed? How many suitors must this sensual creature have, and why have they not rushed to her aid? What in the name of buddha's teeth has happened to her legs?

But perhaps the biggest question is - why this is for sale on amazon and not being exhibited in the Louvre? I doff my cape to you amazon, it is quite a coup. Well played...

Monday, 15 June 2009

Amazon #24: Photo Jigsaw 16x12 (40x30cm) Enoch Powell calling for extensive repatriation of immigrants by Heritage-Images

2 stars - link

NB - I'm unsure if this will be approved for inclusion or not - I suspect not, so here it is regardless...

This 192 piece jiggysaw is actually very easy to do, befitting the abilities of the kind of intellectual donut who would buy this for himself or a racist uncle who constantly goes on about how he fought in a war, while not revealing that during it he gained the iron cross for services to demoralising radio broadcasts.

This is the first in a series of new politically dubious brain teasers; also in the series are Idi Amin's favourite word searches, a Jean Marie Le Pen Monopoly set ('do not pass go if you're Algerian'), and a Nick Griffin Rubik's cube where all the faces are white.

Thursday, 9 April 2009

The 6 word review #4: The Decemberists - The Hazards of Love



"Why did they stop writing songs?"

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

The 6 word review #3: Serge Gainsbourg - Histoire de Melody Nelson



"Paedophilia never sounded so fantastic, french."

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

The 6 word review #2: Doves - Kingdom of Rust



"Bland, insipid, woeful; better than expected."

Thursday, 26 March 2009

The 6 word review #1 - Live: Polar Bear, Dirty Projectors, Lucky Dragons.

Six word fiction seems to be de rigeur right about now. And several months ago. And probably some point in the future too - it's hard to notice when you don't really care.

Anyway, I thought it would be 'amusing' to start writing reviews of new records and gigs and that in this fashion, because.... well, I don't know, but have you tried reading a drowned in sound review recently? 6 words is as much as I can handle when faced with dreck like this.

I digress:

Lucky Dragons:

Oh no, audience participation - hello Jonestown.

Dirty Projectors:
Treble onslaught, fronted by a chicken.

Polar Bear:
Jazz odyssey. Who wrote this? Nobody.

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Marmoset tour news!


Excellent news! My favourite polite Hungarian techno fiend is doing a UK tour in may! He literally e-mailed me these tour dates the same time as he e-mailed everyone else - stoked to the max! I'm literally excited!!!

He will literally be playing at the following venues:

17 - The Sheffield Exocet
18 - Leeds - United Nil bar
19 - The Newcastle Pointless
20 - Glasgow - Mos Eisley spaceport
22 - Manchester - The Fucker and Firkin
23 - Birmingham - Corduroy's
24 - Cardiff - The Risen Yeast Inn
25 - Swansea - Jackademicals (cancelled at mayor's behest)
27 - Weymouth - Barfly
28 - Bristol - Barely
29 - London - Labour club

See you at the Cardiff show!