Hiya. So, it's nearly Christmas - well done everyone, it wouldn't have happened without you.

So, here's some music - the first mix contains some of my favourite music of 2008, with some representing some notable occasions of the year (like the passing of Humphrey Lyttelton and Davey Graham, and my total obsession with The Wire). Less speak, more music...

DOWNLOAD IT HERE, NOW.

Songinglisting:

1. Too Drunk To Dream - The Magnetic Fields
2. Martha Ann - David Karsten Daniels
3. Run To Your Grave - The Mae Shi
4. Bad Penny Blues - Humphrey Lyttleton
5. Something About Ghosts - Matt Elliott
6. Doomsdayer's Holiday - Grails
7. The Adolescent - Gregor Samsa
8. Burden - Horse Feathers
9. Party Barge - Silver Jews
10. MMV - The New Year
11. Gazing At the Fire - Ignatz
12. The Body of an American - The Pogues
13. Lullaby - Judy Henske & Jerry Yester
14. Invisible Ink - Made Out of Babies
15. This Is Not A Test - She & Him
16. Invisible - Grouper
17. Ballad Of The Sad Young Men - Davey Graham
18. I Had A List And I Lost It - The Drift
19. Notes For Future Lovers - Bonnie 'Prince' Billy
20. Life Caught In The Rain - Envy
21. To a bond - Islands

22. The Fall - Andre Burke/Blake Leyh

And here are some Christmas related songs of varying quality that will hopefully drown out the sound of carolers at the door.

FREE ANTI-CHRISTMAS MUSIC ABOUT CHRISTMAS.

1. Christmas Sucks - Tom Waits and Pete Murphy Impersonators
2. Gift X-change - Calexico
3. Don't Believe in Christmas - The Sonics
4. No Christmas In Kentucky - Phil Ochs
5. Christmas Downer - Departure Lounge
6. Merry Christmas Everybody - Daniel Johnston
7. It's Christmas Time - Louvin Brothers
8. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) - Death Cab For Cutie
9. Christmas Song - Medicine
10. Christmas 1914 - Shuttah
11. Chris Morris Ruins A Little Girl's Xmas

The Vandelay Industries Genuine Quality Deciding Tastemaker list of 2008.

Ok, call me a hypocrite if you like – I swore to myself that I wouldn't do a 'best of 2008' list, which is the time where music journos / hobbyists / idiots feel that their opinions somehow matter and deserve to be foisted on an overly busy and stressed public, regarding whichever discordant wilful obscurism has made them out to be cooler than the rest of the cunts that make up their woefully hateful tribal entourage. I hate these people, and the thought of unspecified harm to their person makes me giggle slightly.

With that in mind, let's get listing! I couldn't decide on an order for these, as quality and genre are irregular bedfellows – it's practically metaphorical buggery – so they're presented in a random order, with some 'treats' thrown in at the end for good measure.

1. The Civil War Alliance – Lee's Stagecoach
More wonderful literary experimental indie from the Minnesotan sextet - the concept of the record is on the subject of inanimate objects involved with the American civil war. The lead single from the album, also titled 'Lee's Stagecoach', would doubtless have charted higher had it ventured beyond the lyrical boundaries of merely listing items that General Lee might have used. If they ever break out into new conceptual directions, they'd be vaguely dangerous – Colin Meloy had better look behind his shoulder. I can't wait to see what they offer in 2009.

2. Marmoset - Klassische-X
Jazz tinged minimal techno from Budapest - the sound alternates between the sunrise in a rain forest and a robot pissing into a bin. The contrast between the two vastly differing styles makes this the best record I've heard for quite some time - I can't wait to see what he offers in 2009.

3. Fire Flagon - When This Is Over I'll Be Molesting Yr Skull and Laughing, Laughing, Laughing...
No one does fiery, searing, piercing 30 minute prog-skrunk-psychedelic-jazzy-dub cosmic voyages quite like this bunch of 17 year olds from Torquay. Vaguely reminiscent of Faust drowning in Magma while the Cosmic Jokers look on and laugh, the diamond encrusted quadruple gatefold warns you that what you're about to hear definitely is not normal. One of Julian Cope's favourite records of the decade - I can't wait to see what they offer in 2009.

4. Professor Postlethwaite's World of Emporium - The Purple Shoppe of Psychedelic Schemes
Admittedly nauseating for 9/10ths of it's emetic duration, the modern psych revivalists make it worth the price of admission with 'You'll Regret This, Come Join Us", their remarkable 9 minute declaration of war on anything post 1968. They also deserve a special mention for their political wing taking 5 council seats at the last elections in Shoreditch. I can't wait to see what antics they'll offer in 2009!

5. Sloblock – Winsome Losesome
Album number 11 in 3 years from the drone-folk project led by Chad Bingley, guitarist in folk-drone band Clothiers. A veritable smorgasbord of shifting textures, sounds, rhythms, malleted strings and howls, it’s otherworldly sound was a massive leap on from their previous album “Calliope’s Revenge”, that was released 2 months prior to this one, and was far more accessible than the terrifying triple CD album “Trepanning My Way to your Heart” that came out 3 months after. I can’t wait to sift through what they offer in 2009.

6. The Listerine Dragons - Anthologically Correct
Though technically a compilation of the defunct act's finer moments from their all-too-brief time together in the early eighties, this is the one thing I've listened to most over the previous 12 months – Last FM proves it. Famously averse to releasing music of any kind, this takes a selection of badly recorded bootlegs and puts them in one place for the world enjoy, with liner notes from Everett True. I can't wait to see what they offer in 2009. Hopefully themselves as a sacrifice.

7. Terence – Our name are Terence
Perfect power punk pop from the youngsters from New Zealand. Controversially received in their home country due to questionable lyrics concerning the Maori population, for the rest of the world (where local politics correctly take second place to a good beat) it was a case of the hype not going far enough – and while the decision to release the album solely on MySpace attracted ire from musical purists and people with souls, it was a marketing masterstroke that catapulted them into the mainstream. I can’t wait to hear what they offer in 2009.

8. Kevin Davies - The Hole Beneath My Heart
Heartfelt slowcore Americana from the hard-nosed Bolton striker? Uh, ok! 12 gorgeous slices of angst-filled vignettes, it reminded me of early Townes Van Zandt. One of the surprises of the julian calendar year (especially Ricardo Vaz Te's virtuoso turn on castanets), it's just a shame he couldn't tour it due to Bolton's ongoing battle against football. I can't wait to see what he offers in 2009, when hopefully he'll have some more time on his hands.

9. Miws - Aberlution
A Welsh language Muse tribute band - absolutely has to be heard to be believed, and even now I'm still doubting it. Made up of former members of Anrhefn, Zabrinski and Frisbee, their sporadic gigs round west and north Wales have been received rapturously, and fills me with a kind of nationalistic candor that the world hasn't seen since Radko Mladic put his boots on. Ones to watch from both sides of the law enforcement barrier - sai'n gallu aros i weld beth mae nhw'n cynnal yn 2009.

10. Er….. well…… hmm. I can’t decide – there have been so many other releases worthy of a mention that I can’t pick another one. Whether it’s the dub-jungle vinyl slabs from the mysterious “White Label” collective, the angelic vocal stylings of Marian Sumner (nepotism be damned, it was a fine record and I don’t care who her father is), and not forgetting the childlike tweecore of “Giraffe”. I can’t wait to see what they, and many others, offer us in 2009.

SPECIAL MENTIONS!

RE-ISSUE OF THE YEAR!
Sly Wilcox – Heaven is a Drug (and so is Hell, and probably Purgatory too Wo-Man)
Finally, this lost psych-folk masterpiece from 1965 is widely available again. The lyrics of the classic ‘Drug Mule Woman’ are still among the finest I’ve heard – “I got a drug mule woman / Filled her up good / My drug mule woman / Likes different kinds of food, sing it baby” – when it’s repeated for the duration of side A, it becomes like a religious mantra, and I’m happy to be converted. I would say that I can’t wait to see what he offers in 2009, but he’s dead.

MOST SADLY MISSED: George W. Bush. If it wasn’t for his fast reflexes (and I say that in the most grudging way possible), he’d have had a shoe in the face, and the world would’ve rejoiced (apart from people who don’t matter). So, so, so, so, so near.

PREDICTIONS FOR 2009: Things will be pretty much as they are now, only slightly worse.

(Coming soon - some genuine music I like from 2008 (but I promise you I won't write about it, just make a compilation) and some christmas music that will make you as miserable as I am.)

RIP: Davey Graham

I just found that Davey Graham passed away yesterday. Bugger. I was going to put a little video up of him, but the guardian have done a pretty nifty job of compiling some great youtube stuff, so go there and watch it.

Amazon #23: Sleeveface: Be the Vinyl

5 stars - link.

Sleeveface has been one of the musical crazes of 2008 for some reason. Invented by DJ Carol Morris, who is widely known around south Wales for how much he likes a bit of fun in bars, and Jon Rostrum, who together extracted numerous laughs from their friends in only the way that holding something in front of your face can achieve. If the legend is correct, then the first record that sparked the craze off was by Paul McCartney - and it's certainly fair to say that Morris plays an admirable McCartney to Rostrum's Ringo.

The idea behind sleeveface is so simple that you'd have to be an idiot to not understand it without an explanation. So if you're thinking of buying it, what you have to do is take a record sleeve with someone's face on it (a Tom Waits, Cerys Matthews or Nick Cave record should do nicely), then hold the sleeve in front of your face and hold still - after several minutes when any onlookers would've recovered from their fits of laughter, try and get them to photograph the moment for posterity.

Sleeveface has gone stratospheric in recent months - they now have a website, a facebook group and a video on YouTube -none of these things are easy to achieve at the best of times, but certainly not in the current climate. Morris and Rostrum should be applauded for all their hard work and dedication to bring this phenomenon to the public - they currently have a MySpace page in production, which will hopefully be unveiled in April 2009. Personally, I can't wait to see what they'll bring out in time for Christmas next year, but I can honestly say that I have no idea how they can improve what they've already done. I certainly hope the rumours of the Steveface spin-off are true!

Five stars.

NB - Amazon sez: "Customers buy this book with Dreams From My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance by Barack Obama. Price For Both: £10.33." Okaaaaay.......

"You say laughter, and I say luftwaffe"

More songs for you, whoever you are. While I may get slightly anal in the future and try and work in some kind of theme, at the moment all I can say to justify including these songs in one package is "I LIKE THEM". And I hope you will too, otherwise I would not be doing this...

DOWNLOAD AN UNREPRESENTATIVE SEGMENT OF MY MUSICAL TASTE HERE.

The Vandelay Industries Free Mix of Joy vol 3 tracklisting:

1. Shape Of Things To Come - Max Frost & The Troopers
2. Lord Franklin - Pentangle
3. Vigo Bay - Minotaur Shock
4. Velocity Girl - Primal Scream
5. Marianne - The Jacks
6. Cause for Concern - The Nels Cline Singers
7. My Kind Of Soldier - Guided By Voices
8. A Far-Off Reason - Envy
9. Struck A Chord - Magoo
10. Mr. Pharmacist - The Other Half
11. The Universe! - Do Make Say Think
12. Is There A City Outside Your Window? - Chuzzlewit
13. Love Will Make A Better You - Love Live Life + One
14. Safesurfer - Julian Cope
15. It's Just That Song - Charlie Feathers

Amazon #22: Jumanji (novelisation)

4 stars - link

Jumanji has seen many changes in it's existence - firstly it was a disappointingly childish story by Chris Van Allsburg, then developed into an improved but still sketchy motion picture; and then this astounding novelisation was unleashed onto an unsuspecting public - Jumanji aficionados (of which there are some) rightly regard this as the definitive rendering of the story.

Although this book was published in 1995, it's impossible to read Strasser's magnum opus without thinking it's anything other than a prophetic allegory of the 2008 US election race. In these uncertain times, where a promising young idealist is handed the reigns of the world's largest superpower, tales of jungle board games gone crazy seem strangely apt - with an unsuspecting world looking to a mysterious unknown (Barrack Obama / Robin Williams) to defeat an evil minded madman (John McCain / Van Pelt (not to be confused with Chris Leo's slowcore indie rock band)), looking to steer a vulnerable society past hidden and unforeseeable dangers (the doomed economy / a bunch of crazy animals) - not to mention the looming spectre of terrorism.

Like most of Todd Strasser's work (with the exception of his remarkable novelisation of Karate Kid 3), this novelisation doesn't stray too far away from the source material - but when you have Strasser's way with words, grasp of grammar and abundance of alliteration, a lack of any variations of the theme doesn't detract from his effectiveness as a writer. His skills with juxtaposition, metaphor and pace are a joy to behold, and some of the descriptive passages are unparalleled in modern literature in my view - at some points, I actually felt that Robin Williams was in the room with me.

For this reason, it gets 4 stars instead of 5.

Animal Facts #3: The Horsey

Horses! Did you know that:

1. The horse is the only animal in the world that's been domesticated by 3 other animals? They are of course Man, Lions, and Other Horses.

2. A horse was the subject of the world's first comedy cartoon strip! (pictured right). In this 18th century Nepalese tome, you could follow the adventures of Sandy as he moves slightly and changes colour, before disappearing into the abstract.

3. A disappointed horse-lover from Montana recently attempted to sue the Seattle indie-rock combo 'Band of Horses' under the trades descriptions act. Kenny Fife, 42, was disappointed to find that they definitely do not consist of equine musicians - they are of course otters with a knack for a tremendous beat.

4. Horses are a war-like and aggressive race - in times gone they were feared mercenaries, selling their cavalry services to the highest bidder, and relishing the chance of engaging with other horses. However, due to the current credit crunch (and to a lesser extent, the development in weapons technology over the last 60 or so years) they find their places on the battlefield taken by machines. To satisfy their aggressive urges, they now volunteer themselves for free to the police force in exchange for free entry to football grounds, and the occasional opportunity to bite a felon in the ear.

5. A stunted disabled horse works in a hospital! Check out this news report from the unbelievably incompetent Shannon Perrine ("the kids getting treatment... can forget about tests, and blood work, and BEING SICK..."), on Thumbelina, a class of '02 Harvard medical graduate:

Amazon #21: The God Delusion (aka Dickie Dawkins Does Deities)

3 stars - link.

Many reviews have been written here, but none of them really encapsulate this book in a reasonable way.

Seeing that my father is an atheist and my mother is a catholic, I believe I am more qualified than most to make a judgement on the arguments contained in this overly long and dense book - I was brought up amidst a hotbed of theological debate for most of my life, and I am sympathetic towards every argument given for and against Richard Hawkins's case (or Dickie Dawkins as he's known by my four year old!).

Until their acrimonious divorce when I was aged 6, my parents got along fine - then the constant bickering over their belief systems took over. I was too young to remember any specific arguments of worth, but I remember such words as 'godless, incredulous, heretic, foolish', and 'do you want the child to be banished to hell' seemed to be exchanged. Somehow, I still have a healthy relationship with both parents, but the point I am trying to make is that all these discussions are fruitless - no one can prove there is a god, just as you can't prove there isn't one (although in honesty, the former argument has picked up quite a lot of eyewitness testimony over the years!!!). While I refuse to take sides on this issue, because I'm an open and honest man that doesn't belittle any viewpoint, Richard Dawkins does tend to come across as a godless troublemaker - I think, if the good samaritan had a choice between saving Jesus and Richard Dawkins, he would've gone for the gentler and more tolerant Jesus every time!

This book has it's place, but it really can't take the place of 'Religion for Dummies'.

In summary then, I am hedging my bets - I am proud to be raising my children as devout catholics, and am hoping that they will not be too damaged by the experience when they reach the age where they make up their own minds.

Forgotten bands 1: The Listerine Dragons

The Listerine Dragons were the founders of the short lived 'Spatchcore' movement, which mainly occurred during 1984 in Carlisle. Their sound has variously been described as 'terrifying', 'totally mesmerising, like a fairground on fire' and 'akin to being shot in the elbow by a crying pig'.

The legendary but shamefully overlooked three piece consisted of Ed 'Skunk' Templeton (gtr), Simon Cunges (bass, vox) and the deeply religious Jebediah Grundy (flaming drums). They met at Austin Friars St Monicas Roman Catholic Private School in 1981, and immediately bonded over a shared love of not wanting to spend any time in the school buildings whatsoever.

Their initial musical exploits were confined to setting fire to small woodland creatures according to a pre-arranged pattern, much along the lines of the music of John Cage or Steve Reich, but with an added dose of emotion. They quickly gained a cult following among the youth of Carlisle, and took to performing many impromptu performances in local parks and woodland clearings. It was during one of these performances in the summer of 1982 that Templeton discovered a guitar discarded in a hedgerow, and was delighted to discover he could emulate the dying screams of burning mammals with uncanny accuracy. Cunges and Grundy immediately latched onto the idea of forming a 'glower trio', and scoured the nearby countryside in a search for their respective instruments - 12 months later, after some excruciating searching, the line-up was complete.

The Listerine Dragons early concerts were ramshackle and controversial affairs - they were never happy with the idea of losing animal torture from their repertoire, so their minimal 1 chord punk stylings were peppered with bizarre mammalian percussion from Grundy, who was often so hard to control that their concerts were known for lasting for anything up to 5 hours. It was this intensity and unpredictability that gave them a vital edge, but also proved to be their downfall - no one knew more than they did that their music would never translate into recorded format.

Their sole excursion on vinyl came with a version of live favourite "Bumbria", where they list everything they dislike about their home county with startling menace. 5,000 7" singles were pressed, only to be commandeered by Cunges and, rather predictably seeing as this was what they known for, burned in a field. Happily, Cunges recorded the entire bonfire, and the result was the triple gatefold vinyl "Bugger Bumbria (redux)", which was pressed in a limited edition of 27 copies. This garnered a small degree of national press coverage at the time, which was sharply curbed when Cunges told reporters that he'd "planned it all along you cunt". Copies of the album change hands for nearly 2 figures among collectors.

Due to their animosity towards any kind of physical playback mechanism, they are cruelly overlooked when it comes to compiling a list of seminal 80s bands. However, they are probably remembered best for the moving, if slightly controversial anti-war song "Lockheed-Martin Spazzed My Dripper" - a terrifying 2 hour odyssey of wailing, feedback and fluids, relating the story of a US pilot who can only achieve an erection and climax while bombing third world orphans of a different ethnicity to his own. After failing to find a willing partner to release this, or indeed anything further by them, they took to performing their magnum opus in person in various public locations around Carlisle, before splitting up later in the year due to musical differences and personality similarities. No one has come close to replicating their sound since.

Amazon #20: Short Circuit: Practical New Approach to Building More Self-Reliant Communities

3 stars - link

I bought this book thinking that it was the long awaited third episode in the Short Circuit series - so far, we've been confined to experiencing Johnny Five's adventures in only 2 films, and I was desperate to find out what happened next to the newly gold plated civilised war robot.

Well, what a disappointment - Richard Douthwaite should never have been allowed to take on the franchise, as he has a fundamental misunderstanding of what made the series so popular in the first place, with vast passages being beyond incomprehensible to the under-9s - and Johnny Five barely appears at all! There no appearances from the characters played by Steve Guttenberg, Ally Sheedy, or Fisher Stevens' rather dodgily portrayed Pakistani character. I think Michael McKean's character appears in the chapter about windfarms, though I may be mistaken as I was also watching Deal or No Deal at the time.

I hold extreme optimism for most forms of entertainment, but I truly think this book is unfilmable - at the very least, it needs extensive rewrites if it is to be an acceptable third entry in the series. What were they thinking?!?

However, I award the book three stars as the segment on Scandinavian communes was informative, and slightly arousing.