Amazon #27: Doug Box's Guide to Posing for Portrait Photography

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Doug "thinking outside the" Box has produced a guide to posing in front of the camera, but could it be said to be a truly definitive measure of how you should stand, sit, squat or lean in front of the professional lens? The answer, happily, is yes.

Although the reflections on windows evident in some of his portraits imply a level of sexual deviancy, it's certainly not to an excessive degree, and seems relatively harmless compared to most photographers.

Some of the favoured poses featured in the posing pamphlet include:

"The Lampard"
Stoic, indignant, poised, heroic, enigmatic, solid; yet smug and hateful with terrible hair. This type of pose can often be seen by Argos models selling tennis equipment. If you can get hold of an ill-fitting yet massive tie, it screams "I'M A PROFESSIONAL AND I CAN AND WILL DO ANYTHING FOR THE PERFECT SNAP."

"The Macchio"
Reminiscent of a Karate Kid montage - the posee stand on one leg, with both arms raised at a 45 degree angle from the perpendicular. Ideal for silhouettes.

"The Gargoyle"
The posee stand on a lofty perch, glowering over the city with a look of pure scorn ingrained in the eyes, and with both hands contorted into talons. If the model has wings, they should be half unfurled - like they're about to swoop down and cause traffic chaos.

"The Never-Mind"
The most common pose known to man - Doug Box estimates that 94 percent of all photos featuring people feature this pose. Common features include a slightly hunched back yet with straight arms hanging down either side, a furrowed brow and unkempt hair, a slightly open mouth, and a pair of piercing red eyes that scream 'VAPIDITY' rather than anything resembling genuine evil.